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Hey guys. Quick post just to let you know what’s up for the next few days. I am not sure if any of you know, but I am currently shooting a feature film, A Fool’s Game, a cool crime thriller that I promise to talk about in the near future for those interested. This week is a very solid week of filming, as we are bringing two actresses down to London and we have to condense most of the production into this small week in June. As a result, I have had to juggle some things around. Tomorrow was meant to be QOTM, but now that has been pushed back to Monday (you have one extra day to get your answers in, then, but no later than Sunday evening.). On Sunday, you will have my two movie reviews, which usually pop up on Monday. So essentially those two days have switched around, so it is easier to fit each thing into my schedule. I have a feeling that next Friday’s cinema review might be pushed back to the weekend as well, but we will see if I have time to fit that in. That’s a problem for Tomorrow…land.

But let’s not just post this article to talk about scheduling. Today, let’s talk about everyone’ favourite serial killer cat, Ruby. She came up in conversation the other day and it reminded me of a pretty amusing story that I thought I might as well share with you, so I am not just posting a random article. Basically, I had to meet and greet an actor for the aforementioned A Fool’s Game. He is playing one of the bad guys, this talented actor called Joe Watson. We popped over to mine for some rehearsals and a general chat. The problem: Joe is a little scared of animals. He tries to hide it, but he doesn’t do it very well. He doesn’t trust them. And I swear that Ruby picked up this fact about him as soon as he entered the room. And what followed was beyond hilarious.

Ruby in a dramatic reading of Compare The Meerkat.com

Ruby in a dramatic reading of Compare The Meerkat.com

She attacked him. Attacked one of my main actors. The one I was trying to convince to be in my film. At first, it was kind of funny. Ruby often randomly swipes at people. It is just a game for her and me and my family let her get away with it, because she rarely means any harm. Joe was nervous, but I laughed it off. Then Ruby hissed. When Ruby wants to be, she is a pretty terrifying creature, looking a little bit like the starved hyenas out of Lion King. Joe backed away from her, but she gave chase, jumping up and sinking her fangs into his leg. I stepped in and swatted her away. I suggested moving the next room, because whatever Ruby was up to, it was best to walk away and leave her on her own. Like a child that needed to be grounded. My relationship with Ruby is often the exasperated parent sighing at the rebellious teenager.

As we were leaving the room, Ruby howled. A cat. Howling. It was a blood-curdling sound. Cats shouldn’t be able to howl. With that, she hurtled towards Joe, like something out of the Alien films. Joe ran to the nearest room, the bathroom, slamming the door shut and locking himself in. Ruby just plonked herself in front of the bathroom, waiting, letting out the occasional growl. I’ve seen Ruby go after people before, but always in jest. She was hunting Joe. The actor I was trying to convince that my movie would be a good career move for him. It was very embarrassing. Thankfully, we managed to wrestle Ruby away from the bathroom door, Joe was freed and we changed our meeting to somewhere less hazardous.

Ruby's past also includes the one time she was taken hostage by Lara Croft.

Ruby’s past also includes the one time she was taken hostage by Lara Croft.

That was aggressive, yes, but that story was followed up by an even better one. A bit of Ruby backstory first. The town I live in is a little rough around the edges, with some English people that aren’t quite the upper class gentlemen that American movies seem to think we are. We’re not all Giles from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Ruby’s mother was a skanky little cat that got herself up the duff every so often. These poor kittens are usually handed out to whoever will take them and some of them don’t last very long. Like the Stark family, most of Ruby’s brethern aren’t with us anymore. One of them, for example, was so friendly, it went up to any old person in the street for a cuddle. One day, it couldn’t tell the difference between a person and a truck. That… was a bad day for the road-sweeper. Ruby was one of the lucky ones, the runt of the litter, that Liam, my little brother, took pity on and saved. She has repaid being saved by spitting at me and attacking my actors. However, Ruby has one family member left. One brother, so foul, so nasty, that nothing has managed to take it down just yet. Ruby is good humoured most fo the time, she just flips out every now and again. Her brother is just a monster. Big, mangy and dangerous, he is a cat to be reckoned with.

Out of curiosity, one day I managed to get an invite to go and see this brother that had been talked about around the town. I arrived at this girl’s house, a timid young thing – obviously living in fear of her own cat – who said that the cat wasn’t currently in the house. He had a habit of disappearing when he felt like it. However, this girl did have two snakes. Snakes are up there with my favourite animals, so not wanting the trip to be wasted, I went to her living room and had a look at them. They were lovely creatures, although I wouldn’t want to put my hand in their enclosure. I know how fast snakes can be. After admiring the snakes, we continued our search for Ruby’s mythical brother. We searched the house top to bottom, but there was no sign of him. I began to think Liam had been winding me up, when he told me about this fabled cat. I thanked the girl for her time and went to leave. On a whim, I decided to swing by the snakes again.

Ruby trying to put on a tie.

Ruby trying to put on a tie.

It was like walking into a scene in a horror movie. Ruby’s brother had gotten into the snake tank. The glass was splattered in blood. Chunks of snake were everywhere. It looked like someone had chopped the snakes into pieces with a butcher’s knife. And sitting in the middle of the cage, smeared with snake guts and flesh was Ruby’s brother, looking at me, as if I was next. I have never seen insanity in a cat’s eyes before, but this was the day I ticked that off my bucket list. Somehow Ruby’s brother had managed to break into the snake cage, jump inside and kill… no, not kill, destroy!… not one, but two snakes. Worried I picked Ruby’s brother out and checked him for snake bites. Not one. Ruby’s brother had not only taken out two snakes, but done it without even taking a single hit. Snakes are meant to be terrifyingly quick, but Ruby’s brother had handled them with the ease of a professional killer.

I have never gone back to that house. I have been too scared as to what might happen to me. But there has always been this fear in the pit of my stomach that I could be next.

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7 thoughts on “The Origins Of Ruby Vol. 1

  1. My friend has a beautiful cat called Simba, he is literally so gorgeous, huge velvety bottle tail and yellow eyes – super fluffy ginger fur.

    He actually hides behind chairs just so he can sneak out on the unsuspecting person sitting down and scratch them.

    And never walk past him without shoes on.

    I’m lucky with my darling cat Snowie, he’s such a pleb he never even gets his claws out, he’s the most gentle cat I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing 🙂

  2. My late cat, Freely, beat the living crap out of my aunt’s staffie… the one who killed two of her neighbour’s cats. He was not to be fucked with.

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