*Shuffles awkwardly into the office. Takes a seat and coughs, trying to catch the ominous figure in the shadows’ attention.
DARK CARA: Speak.
ME: My exalted conqueror, I humbly seek your presence and permission to take a week’s holiday from my blogging duties, if… ah… your Greatness approves.
*Dark Cara does not speak, merely allows her eyes to tighten, shooting me with an icy blast of darkness. The form of a muscular trophy stirs behind her somewhere, prepared to unleash chaos at a moment’s notice.
ME: You see… I am in the middle of a big project. A massive project. Remember that third job I hinted at a while ag… Sorry, I mean… of course, you remember, O’ Terrifying One; nothing escapes your notice. Well, this project will hit its peak for the first week of September and I was wondering if… if it’s not too much trouble… I could take a break from posting articles for that one week in September. Just that one week, I promise.
DARK CARA: What is this third job?
ME: It’s… i…it’s a secret, my lady.
*Dark Cara’s eyes flash with anger and thoughts of murder. Miguel, the trophy, looks to her, waiting for the code word that means he can rip my bones apart. I assume the code word is ‘Atrophy’, because that is far too good a pun to miss out on.
ME: You will… you will know about it in due time, Your Highness. I just want to play my cards close to my chest. It will be a great surprise for you, I..I promise. Maybe I can persuade you with news of what I have planned for this week?
*Dark Cara’s anger fades, intrigued.
ME: Well, tomorrow, I have two reviews coming out. One of them is a foreign film that is a true classic to the action genre – while, the other is a modern film I missed out on at the cinema this year. It has been making waves and Empire gave it five stars.
DARK CARA: Go on.
ME: On Tuesday, I am reviewing Tomb Raider: Legend, one of my favourite Tomb Raider games. For B Movie Wednesday, I am actually reviewing one of the British B Movies that the IPC has been through. And Thursday is a very special day, because I am going through a Doctor Who three review marathon to celebrate its return. Friday will either be Lucy or Sin City 2, depending on cinema times. Is this enough to earn my holiday?
*Dark Cara pauses and thinks. The wait is unbearable. I wait with bated breath, unsure of what the punishment and decision will be. Death? Torture? Worse?